The Next Kiss
by wwefan99
Summary: After Scott's death, Kevin falls in love again. *SLASH*
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Contrary to my own belief, I do NOT own anybody in this story. To make things even worse, I'm not making any money, either.  
  
**The Next Kiss**  
  
Three years. That's how long it had been since the love of my life, Scott Hall, died in a car accident. It was a long three years with many tears falling and lots of time being spent in depression. As time went on, it became easier to deal with, just like Shawn said it would. The good days started outnumbering the bad. The smiles started outnumbering the tears. However, I still never thought that I would fall in love again.  
  
*****  
  
I was watching a baseball game on a hot August Saturday when my telephone rang. The score was too lopsided for the game to be interesting anymore. I let the phone ring a couple times before I answered.  
  
Hey, Kev. How are you doing? It was Shawn. He had called me at least once every day since Scott died. He's such a wonderful best friend.  
  
I'm doing okay. How about you?  
  
Fine. I've got a question.  
  
I asked.  
  
Why don't you come to the pay-per-view tomorrow? he offered. It's in Orlando, and you'll get to hang out with your best friends.  
  
I guess so, I answered, a little unsure. I stopped wrestling after Scott died. I never officially retired, I just quit. Only in the last few months had I started going to shows to hang out with friends. Attending a wrestling show without Scott still upset me a little bit. However, I really liked to see old friends and meet the new guys.  
  
You don't have to come if you don't want to, Shawn said, picking up the uncertainty in my voice.  
  
No, I'll go, I said with more confidence.  
  
You sure?  
  
Yeah, there's nothing else to do anyway. So, is somebody gonna pick me up, or do I have to drive? I asked.  
  
Hunter and I will pick you up. Just be ready by noon, Shawn said.  
  
Sounds good.  
  
Great. See ya tomorrow, then.  
  
Love ya.  
  
Love you, too, Kevin, he said and hung up.  
  
*****  
  
I was ready by noon the next day, but Shawn and Hunter didn't show up until close ton one. Figures, Shawn's never on time.  
  
I woke up in the morning feeling guilty about having good plans when Scott wasn't alive to enjoy them with me. I was going to call Shawn and tell him that I couldn't come. After a good cry and a refreshing shower, I decided against it. I knew that I had to keep moving on. I was in an unusual happy mood when Shawn and Hunter finally arrived.  
  
At the arena, Shawn and Hunter had to prepare for Hunter's match, which Shawn was refereeing. I walked around the building greeting everybody and making small talk. After wandering around for an hour, I finally found the man I was looking for.  
  
Sean was sitting at a table talking with someone. Sean went back to WWE not long after Scott died. I didn't hear from or see Sean often. He distanced himself from me after Scott's funeral. I know that we're still best friends, it's just that Sean misses Scott and I'm too much of a reminder. I understand how he feels.  
  
As I walked toward him, Sean got up from his seat to greet me with a hug. We sat down and I saw that Sean had been chatting with Nathan Jones. I gave him a brief hello' before starting a conversation with Sean.  
  
How have you been? I asked him.  
  
Good. What about you? he replied.  
  
Okay. Are you winning tonight? I asked referring to his WWE title match with John Cena.  
  
Sean answered with a huge grin.  
  
Really? That's awesome, I said. Scott would be so damn proud of you--you're finally gonna be the champ.  
  
I know, he said, his grin falling at the mention of Scott. As a matter of fact, I've got to talk with Cena about it now.  
  
Okay, I'll see ya later, I told him as he walked away. I was really happy that Sean was going to be the champion. I was proud, too. It was a bittersweet situation, though. Scott used to go on and on about how Sean deserved that title, but he wasn't here to see it happen. Thinking about it brought a tear to my eye.  
  
Are you okay? I heard a thick Australian accent ask me as a big hand rested on my shoulder in a comforting gesture.  
  
I woke from my daze to see Nathan Jones looking at me with worry. Uh, I'm fine, I said and quickly brushed the tear away with the back of my hand.  
  
You sure?  
  
I said and gave him a small smile to prove that I was telling the truth.  
  
I'm sorry about what happened to Scott, Nathan said.  
  
It's not your fault, I replied.  
  
You know, I don't believe we've really met before, he said.  
  
You're right, I said after thinking about it for a moment. Nathan had debuted just before Scott died, so I didn't meet him. Just before I began coming to the shows, Nathan had torn his biceps and was out. How is your arm? I asked.  
  
All better. I was cleared last week, he replied.  
  
  
  
Yeah, I'm supposed to make my return tomorrow on Nathan said.  
  
That's cool, I said. Are you excited?  
  
Yeah, I can't wait, he smiled and check his watch. It's been nice talking to you, Kevin, but I'm supposed to meet someone at the gym now.  
  
It was nice to meet you, I said as he got up to leave.  
  
Yeah, hope to see you around some more, Nathan said with a smile and walked away.  
  
I watched him leave and thought that it would be really nice to see him again. Nathan was a nice guy, and he was good-looking, too. I wondered if he was gay for a moment. I quickly caught myself, though, and mentally slapped myself. There was no way that I could be thinking like that. I still loved Scott, it was almost like cheating on him. I quickly got up and started a conversation with the first person I saw, before I could give any more thought to Nathan.  
  
*****  
  
Shawn and Hunter took me back to my house after the show. They decided to stay the night, because it just didn't make sense for them to pay for a room when I had a free one. I tried to convince Sean of the same thing, but he claimed that he was going to party with the other guys over his title win.  
  
So, did you have fun, Kevin? Shawn asked when we got in the house.  
  
Yeah, I had a good time, I answered. I had actually spent the better part of the day trying to avoid Nathan. Fortunately, I didn't see him for the rest of the day.  
  
I guess you could've done without the surprise of Sean winning the title, Shawn said.  
  
I'm proud of him, and I know that Scott would be, too.  
  
It just sucks that Scott isn't here for it, Hunter said.  
  
We all feel quiet and silently mourned Scott's death again. Before we could let the grief get the better of us, Shawn spoke, Tomorrow's Raw' is in Orlando, too. Wanna come, Kev?  
  
I immediately thought of Nathan and how he told me that he hoped to see me again. I knew that he would be there because he was scheduled to make his big return. I heard myself say, Yeah, sure, even though I had tried to stop those words.  
  
Shawn said.  
  
How could my mouth betray me like that? I didn't really want to see Nathan again, and I would have to if I went. I was deathly afraid that I might be attracted to him. And that certainly couldn't happen, because I couldn't turn my back on my love for Scott.  
  
It's late, Hunter yawned. I'm going to bed.  
  
I looked at the clock on the wall. It read 2:10 a.m.  
  
Yeah, and we have to get up kind of early, Shawn said.  
  
See ya in the morning, Hunter said as he began climbing the stairs to my guest room.  
  
Shawn said and followed his lover.  
  
I called after them. Don't be too loud, I said and heard them laugh.  
  
I went around the house locking doors and turning off lights. Then, I retired to my own bedroom, which was still decorated with pictures of Scott. I undressed and climbed under the sheets, that didn't smell of Scott any more. As always, my last conscious thought was of Scott, and how much I hated the empty spot beside me.  
  
TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, Champ! I called when I saw Sean in the hallway at the arena the next day.  
  
Hey, Kev, he said and gave me a big smile. He sure was happy to have the title.  
  
I had been at the arena for a couple hours already. I was having a happy day, probably because of Hunter and Shawn and their hilarious jokes at breakfast. I wasn't worried about encountering Nathan, either.  
  
When's your first title defense? I asked Sean.  
  
Tonight's main event, he said, still with that smile.  
  
I said. You're gonna win, right?  
  
Yeah. Vince said he's planning on keeping me as the champ for at least a couple months, Sean explained.  
  
You deserve it, I smiled at him. His own grin got bigger at my compliment.  
  
In my head I could clearly imagine Scott standing there with us. He would tell Sean how proud he was, ruffle his hair, and crack a joke. I pushed those thoughts of Scott to the back of my mind, though. I didn't want to upset my happy mood, or Sean's.  
  
So, who are you defending it against? I asked.  
  
Cena gets his rematch, Sean answered.  
  
But I'm interfering, a voice said from behind me.  
  
As soon as I heard that voice my stomach did a strange flip, which caused my heart to start beating a little faster. It was almost as if I had a _crush_ on the owner of the voice--Nathan Jones.  
  
Hey, Nathan, Sean greeted him.  
  
Tonight's your big return, I said to him as I tried to calm those strange feelings.  
  
Nathan said with an exaggerated sigh.  
  
Why are you interfering in Sean's match? I asked.  
  
Payback. I was wrestling Cena when I hurt my arm, he explained.  
  
I said as I got a good look at Nathan. He was wearing a loose-fitting pair of black jeans and a tight red muscle shirt, which was certainly doing its job. The shirt perfectly outlined the muscles in Nathan's chest and his abs.  
  
Sean began, causing me to stop thinking about how good Nathan looked. I've got to talk to Cena about the match. I'll find you both later, he said. Then, he gave me a strange look, and walked off.  
  
You look much better than when I saw you last, Nathan said to me.  
  
Sorry about that, I said.  
  
Don't apologize. You were missing the man you love, nothing wrong with that.  
  
I smiled a thank you' and changed the subject. Are you excited about your return?  
  
You bet. Four months of rehab isn't fun. I can't wait to get back on front of the thousands.  
  
Are you nervous?  
  
Not really. I'm really just excited, he said with a smile. I could tell that he was absolutely thrilled about coming back.  
  
That's good. Have you done some training to get rid of any rust? I asked.  
  
Yeah, I'm hoping to actually wrestle next week.  
  
I've got a strange question, I said.  
  
  
  
Do you actually live in Australia and fly halfway around the world twice a week?  
  
Nathan laughed and said, No, I live here in Orlando. It's easiest to fly out of Florida when I do go back home. We laughed together for a moment before Nathan said, You live around here, too, right?  
  
In Daytona Beach, which is an hour's drive away in good traffic, I said.  
  
We're practically neighbors, he said, and we laughed for some odd reason.  
  
Would you like to have dinner with me tonight? Nathan asked suddenly.  
  
Woah! I wasn't expecting that, although it did answer my question about his sexuality. I needed to think about it. Nathan was a really nice guy. He was definitely good-looking. I already liked the way his blue eyes twinkled when he smiled or laughed. Plus, that Australian accent was to die for. But, I still felt guilty of cheating on Scott. I always promised Scott that I would love him forever. I wouldn't be showing my love very well if I went on a date with another man.  
  
I'd understand if you didn't want to because of Scott, but I'm offering to pay, Nathan said when I didn't answer him immediately.  
  
Sure, I'll go, I said much to my own surprise. My mouth betrayed me again! I thought about it for another second and decided that eating free food while sitting across from those eyes and listening to that accent really couldn't be that bad.  
  
Nathan said with a smile. Meet me here after the show.  
  
I said and he walked away to go finalize the details of his return.  
  
*****  
  
The clock read midnight at the fast-food restaurant when Nathan and I sat down to eat. We both had giant burgers that had ketchup, mustard, lettuce, and tomatoes sticking out between the meat and bread. We each had a big box of salty french fries and a large cup of soda.  
  
The late dinner was actually quite wonderful. We were the only people there because of the hour, and we had a really good time. We talked about wrestling, of course. He told me about the ribs that were pulled on him as a rookie, and I told him of some that I pulled before. Nathan had several dirty, yet funny, jokes that had us both laughing until our sides hurt. We talked about sports, too. I found out that hockey isn't very popular in Australia, so Nathan knew nothing of that. However, we did have a good debate about who would make it to the World Series. Before we knew it, the clock was reading 2:00 and we decided to head home.  
  
Shawn and Hunter had taken my car after the show, so Nathan had to drive me all the way to Daytona Beach. I felt bad about him having to drive back so late, but he insisted that it was okay. We had another good conversation in the car, but it had to end when he pulled into the driveway.  
  
I had a really great time, Kevin, Nathan said after he shut the engine off.  
  
So did I, I said. That crush-like feeling was returning, and I felt that we might kiss. It was a fun night, and I definitely liked Nathan, but I was by no means ready for a kiss. So, I quickly made an escape.  
  
I never told Shawn and Hunter that I would be home late, so they're probably worried. I should get in the house before they do something stupid, I said.  
  
Yeah, okay. I'll call you? Nathan asked.  
  
Sure, sounds good, I said and climbed out of the car.  
  
See ya, Nathan called.  
  
See ya, Nathan, I said and shut the door.  
  
When I walked into my house I saw Shawn and Hunter sitting on the couch with evil grins on their faces. It turned out that they weren't worried about me.  
  
So, how was your date? Shawn asked.  
  
How'd you know?  
  
Nathan told Sean, and Sean told us, Hunter answered.  
  
Sean said he could tell you liked Nathan, Shawn said and started laughing.  
  
So? Can't a guy like another guy? I said defensively.  
  
Did you kiss him? Shawn asked.  
  
No, and what business is if of your's?  
  
Shawn and Hunter started laughing again, so I went up to my bedroom. It wasn't too long before I heard a knock at my door and Shawn walked in.  
  
Sorry we acted like idiots, he apologized.  
  
It's okay, I said.  
  
Well, I just want you to know that we are happy for you. We're glad that you're moving on and stuff.  
  
  
  
Okay. Goodnight, Kev, he said and left my room.  
  
I was glad that they were happy for me. The whole dating again thing was scary, and I was confused about seeing someone else when I still loved Scott so much. However, I felt happy and not guilty when I fell asleep  
  
TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Nathan called me the following Thursday to arrange another date with me. We decided on Friday evening, because he had to be on the road again Saturday morning. Neither of us wanted to drive the distance between our homes, so we ate at a place that was somewhere in the middle. The restaurant was definitely more expensive than our fast-food date, but it wasn't too pricey, and Nathan paid again.  
  
The date itself was wonderful again. We talked about various things, and had some good laughs. However, our conversations did cause me to start crying at one point when Nathan asked how Scott and I had met. I told him about Scott's and my first run in WCW, and tears quickly followed. Luckily, I recovered fast. Nathan was very understanding about it, though.  
  
When we said our good-byes at the end of the night, I somehow managed to avoid a kiss again. In fact, I managed to avoid our inevitable first kiss for quite a while. It wasn't until early October, on our seventh date, that it couldn't be avoided any longer.  
  
*****  
  
It was a nice Wednesday evening and I was baking some chicken for my dinner when the doorbell sounded through my house. I wasn't expecting anyone, so I thought that it was some sweet Girl Scout selling cookies. I was ready for some of those peanut butter ones, too.  
  
I opened my door, and instead of a cute little Girl Scout, there was an incredibly tall Nathan Jones. We said our hellos and I invited him into the house. He followed me into the kitchen where I went back to cooking.  
  
Why are you here? I asked as I seasoned the chicken.  
  
My flight landed here instead of Orlando this week. Besides, I wanted to see you, he said and I could almost hear those blue eyes twinkling with his smile.  
  
I just continued to sprinkle the seasoning and tried to ignore the strange feeling that his words caused.  
  
So, what are we having for dinner? he asked.  
  
Chicken, potatoes, green beans, and biscuits.  
  
You cook all of that for yourself?  
  
Just enough for me, but I guess I'll be making more tonight, I said.  
  
My sudden visit isn't a problem? Nathan asked.  
  
No, it's fine. I kind of like having someone to talk to. Can you cook? I asked.  
  
Nathan suddenly started laughing. I guessed that meant he couldn't cook, and I smiled. I'm sure I could pour us something to drink, though, he said when his laughter stopped.  
  
Nathan poured two glasses of soda, then sat down again while I continued to cook. We talked and laughed all through the meal until we were sitting at the table with empty plates. I made no effort to get up and start cleaning, because we were having such a good time.  
  
You know what? Nathan said, moving onto another topic.  
  
I asked.  
  
I think that I like you more than a friend, he said with a smile.  
  
My stomach jumped and hit my heart, but I played it cook by saying, You _think_? We've had several dates now.  
  
Nathan laughed and said, Don't you think we should make it official or something?  
  
Sure. How? I asked.  
  
He smiled at me. Kevin, will you be my boyfriend? he asked and burst into laughter. His question made it sound like we were in sixth grade, and I couldn't help laughing, either.  
  
I said when we calmed down.  
  
he smiled. So, what'd you think of my match on Monday?  
  
The two of us sat at the table a while longer and talked about other various things. At some point we got up and Nathan helped me clean up the kitchen. By the time that all the dirty dishes were in the dishwasher, it was almost 9:00, and we decided that it was about time for Nathan to get back to his own house.  
  
It was my turn to make the long trip to Orlando and back. We talked and laughed during the entire car ride to Nathan's house. It seemed as though we could never stop talking when we were together. It was like I learned something new about him every minute. He always had very interesting things to say, and he's smarter and funnier than anybody would give him credit for. Besides, we both have big mouths and like to talk a lot.  
  
When I pulled into Nathan's driveway, I turned the engine off, and decided to walk to his front door with him.  
  
Well, another great date comes to an end, I said as Nathan unlocked the door.  
  
Yeah, thanks for dinner and the ride, he said.  
  
No problem, it was a wonderful night.  
  
Okay. I guess I'll call you tomorrow, _boyfriend_, he said mockingly and we both laughed.  
  
I don't know what came over me, but I leaned in and kissed Nathan. It started out as just a peck on his lips, but I liked it--a lot, and it turned slightly more passionate. We kissed for only several seconds, but it felt like much longer. Maybe that was because I hadn't kissed anybody in three years, or maybe it was because it felt absolutely wonderful.  
  
Our lips parted, and Nathan pulled me into a hug. he said when our embrace ended.  
  
I said and walked back to my car. As I buckled up and started the engine, I saw Nathan watching me with a smile. I waved to him as I pulled away, and he waved back.  
  
While I drove back to my house, I thought about the kiss. It was a great kiss, and I was just so happy about it. Nathan's lips were so soft. When I licked my lips after the kiss, I could taste his lips, and I couldn't help but think that I wanted to taste more of him. I wanted to kiss him again.  
  
I was still beaming with pure happiness when I stepped into my living room. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was a few minutes after 11:30. As I finished reading the time, I saw a picture out of the corner of my eye. It was a picture of Scott that I had taken just a few months before he died. That's when it hit me--I had kissed another man.  
  
How could I have done that? I promised to love Scott forever. How could I possibly love Scott and kiss Nathan? That kiss was so wrong. I remembered my last kiss with Scott on our front porch. That was a simple little peck with absolutely no passion behind it. How could I have let my first kiss with Nathan be more passionate than Scott's last?  
  
I started to panic. I was shaking and crying. I didn't know what to do. I needed someone to tell me how to fix this. I picked up my cordless phone and made a call to San Antonio.  
  
Shawn answered. I could tell that I had waked him up, but I didn't care.  
  
I said in between my crying.  
  
Kevin? What's wrong? I could hear the sleep fading from his voice as he became worried about me.  
  
I kissed Nathan, I said while tears still fell down my face.  
  
What the? Kevin, what's so horrible about that? Shawn asked.  
  
I didn't know how to explain the problem to him, so I simply said,   
  
Oh. Well, it's been three years. I'm sure it's okay to kiss Nathan, he said.  
  
Not when I promised to love Scott forever, I argued. What kind of a person starts kissing other men right after the man he loves dies? I'm such a mean, stupid asshole, I said and started crying again.  
  
No, you're not. Come on, Kev, it's been three years. You're allowed to move on.  
  
  
  
Kevin, it was just one kiss.  
  
I feel like I've cheated on Scott, I said.  
  
Believe me, you didn't, Shawn tried to reason with me.  
  
I did, I said as even more tears fell.  
  
Kev, listen to me. Do you still love Scott? he asked.  
  
I thought I did, but  
  
he said, cutting me off. It's a yes or no question. Now, do you love Scott?  
  
I said quietly, yet with confidence.  
  
Okay. Where's the problem? Shawn asked.  
  
It's like cheating on him, I said.  
  
No, it's moving on. Scott died, you grieved, and now it's time to get on with your life. Scott knew that you'll always love him. And everybody else knows that, too. I know that Scott would want you to move on and be happy.  
  
I thought about Shawn's last statement before I said, You're right.  
  
And kissing Nathan is never going to change your love for Scott, okay?  
  
Okay. Thanks, I said. Shawn had calmed me down, and made me think. He helped me realize that I was being completely irrational.  
  
No problem, that's what best friends are for, he said. Oh, and I want every detail of that kiss when I call you tomorrow. Right now I'd like to go back to sleep, though.  
  
I laughed, Okay, but don't call too early. Nathan's supposed to call.  
  
Shawn and I then said our goodnights and hung up. It was well after midnight, so I went upstairs to go to bed.  
  
As I laid there, staring at the ceiling, I thought about the future and what Shawn had said. He said that kissing Nathan doesn't change my love for Scott. But, what if I decided that I loved Nathan? Or what if we went beyond kissing and had sex? Those things would definitely change my love for Scott, right? I thought about calling Shawn and asking him, but instead I decided that those things would never happen. After all, you can only fall in love once, right?  
  
TBC


	4. Chapter 4

While my first kiss with Nathan was great, the ones that followed were even better. And believe me, there was a lot of kissing after the first one. Every kiss always seemed to be a thousand times better than the one before it. I think that Nathan and I would have been perfectly happy if we could make out with each other forever.  
  
After we became an official couple, Nathan and I started to spend as much time as we could together. We spent the days at one of our houses talking and laughing. We went out to the movies at least one night a week. We found a little ice cream shop near Nathan's house that the best hot fudge sundaes. Nathan spent so much time on the road that I started to travel with him. Not only did I get to spend time with Nathan, but I got to see my best friends, too. However, they soon got a little annoying by making fun of Nathan and me. It was always loads of fun, though.  
  
We went to my house when we finished the Survivor Series road trip. I grilled a couple steaks for our dinner. Nathan baked some chocolate chip cookies for dessert. Well, they were the kind that were already made, so all he had to do was place them in a heated oven. I was pleasantly surprised when the cookies were nice and chewy instead of black and crispy.  
  
The kitchen was clean by 7:00 and we went into the living room where I insisted on watching the Red Wings' hockey game. Nathan agreed, saying that he wanted to see what was so great about the sport. So, we sat there for the next two and a half hours watching the game, and I taught him the rules of the game. Somehow, I managed to make him a fan of the Red Wings, too. Scott had always hated the Detroit team, so it felt nice to have someone on my side. I think it was the first game I really enjoyed since Scott's death.  
  
According to NHL officials, I realized that I loved Nathan at eight minutes and twenty seconds into the third period of the game. That's when the Red Wings scored a goal, giving them a 3-2 lead. When the puck landed in the net, Nathan pumped his fist in the air with a loud At the same moment, something in my chest fluttered and I thought, _God, I love that man_.'  
  
Immediately, my heart agreed with that thought. However, my brain disagreed. I couldn't possibly love Nathan, because I loved Scott. That was just one of those crazy things that you think, but don't mean. The thought meant nothing, I could not love Nathan. But why did it feel so good when that thought flew across my mind?  
  
I dismissed the argument that was going on inside my head when Nathan asked another question about the game. He and I enjoyed the rest of the game, which the Red Wings won. It was almost 10:00 by then, and time for Nathan to head home.  
  
And yet another fantastic evening with you comes to an end, Nathan said as we stood on my front porch.  
  
I smiled. What do you want to do tomorrow?  
  
I don't care. You wanna come down to my place?  
  
Sure, as long as we can get some ice cream, I said.  
  
Sounds good to me. Is the weather going to be nice? he asked.  
  
Nice and humid, I said, describing the average November day in Florida.  
  
Bring your swim trunks, and I'll make a bigger cannonball splash than you, he challenged me with a grin.  
  
We'll see about that, I said with my own cocky smirk.  
  
Then, Nathan reached up to my lips with his own. And we stood there, making out under the soft glow of the moon and stars. We separated when we ran out of air, and Nathan slowly started walking towards his car.  
  
I'll be at your place around noon, I said.  
  
Okay. Goodnight, Kevin.  
  
I called as he got into his car. We waved to each other as he drove away.  
  
I went back into my house, sat down, and flipped through the channels on TV. I didn't pay any attention to anything, because I was thinking about how I might have fallen in love with Nathan.  
  
The more I thought about it, the more I began to believe that I did indeed love Nathan. I loved his blue eyes and the way they twinkled whenever he smiled or laughed. I loved his Australian accent, and how it made me feel warm and comforted inside when he spoke to me. I loved his sense of humor and how he had made me genuinely laugh more in the last three months than I had in the entire three years after Scott's death. I loved the way he really cared when I was missing Scott and knew whether I wanted a hug or to be left alone. Hell, I even loved how he annoyingly bit the skin around his fingernails.  
  
However, I still loved Scott and refused to believe that I could really love Nathan, too. Nobody can love two people like that--the old can't eat, can't sleep, he consumes my every thought, can see myself growing old with him' feeling. That can happen only once, and it had already happened to me. No, I didn't love Nathan.  
  
*****  
  
I got to Nathan's house an hour late the next day. Shawn, who usually calls and wakes me up at 10:00, forgot about me because Hunter was giving him the best damn blow job ever! So, he didn't call until 11:00, so I had to rush through shaving and all that nice morning stuff while Shawn chattered away about the gory details of his sex life among other things. Somehow, I managed to shut him up, take a five-minutes shower, and be in my car by noon. I called Nathan on my cellphone and told him that I was going to be late.  
  
As soon as I got in his driveway, Nathan jumped in my car and we went to the ice cream shop. Nathan ate a giant banana split, while I had a fantastic hot fudge sundae. There wasn't much talking when we were eating, because our food was so good that we didn't want to delay a bite by speaking. After our bowls were empty, we talked up a storm. Nathan suggested that we go back to his house after an hour of talking about wrestling, the new basketball season, and outrageous family dinners with crazy uncles.  
  
The water felt icy cold when I first jumped into Nathan's pool. He jumped in right after me, and we swam a few laps to get warm. It didn't take Nathan long to remind me of the cannonball challenge he had made the previous day. My competitive side shined as I jumped out of the pool, ready to go. However, Nathan was the first to make a cannonball. He ran off the diving board and jumped high off the end into the eight-foot deep pool. When he climbed back out, I told him how big his splash was. Then, I cannonballed. He told me how big my splash was, but it was smaller than his, so we both jumped again. We did that several more times before I agreed that he won, because he was in better shape.  
  
Maybe we should go to the gym tomorrow, Nathan told me jokingly.  
  
Shut up, I said, pretending to be hurt.  
  
Oh, come on, I haven't seen you all hot and sweaty, pumping the iron.  
  
I burst out laughing at that comment, and so did he. We stood there laughing ourselves to tears for several minutes. I was the first to calm down, so while he was still laughing his ass off, I pushed him into the pool.  
  
Kevin, you are such an asshole, he said when he resurfaced, struggling to get some air.  
  
I know, I said with a laugh. Then, I extended my arm to help him out and he pulled me into the water with him.  
  
We spent the rest of the day acting immature in the pool. I couldn't help thinking that I loved Nathan whenever he stepped out of the pool and the sun glistened off the water that was gliding down his skin. He looked like a very powerful god. But, I would automatically deny that love. It didn't matter that I had the greatest time with Nathan and that he looked so very sexy swimming through the water, because I loved Scott. There was no way that I could love Nathan, too.  
  
*****  
  
A few weeks later we were in Atlanta for the December pay-per-view, Nathan was in the main event, challenging the new Heavyweight Champion, Edge. Nathan had tried to convince me that he was going to win the title, but I didn't fall for it.  
  
Nathan had to spend most of the day preparing for his match, so I spent most of my time hanging out with Shawn. I had to listen to him complain about Hunter, because they had some stupid fight that morning. However, they kissed and made up and then I was forced to listen about what a wonderful person Hunter is--in and out of bed. At some point, Sean rescued me and we actually had a good conversation. Ever since I started dating Nathan, Sean began spending more time with me. I guessed that my new happiness made him more comfortable than my old depression did.  
  
Since Shawn wasn't doing anything on the show that night, he also watched the show with me on a backstage monitor. He had been talking about his relationship with Hunter all day, so I decided that it was my turn to talk about me and Nathan. There was one thing in particular that I wanted to talk about, too.  
  
I think that I love Nathan, I told Shawn.  
  
Really? That's good, he said.  
  
No, it's not.  
  
What? Why not?  
  
Because I love Scott, I said.  
  
Shawn started with a sigh, we've been through this before. Just because you've fallen in love with Nathan doesn't mean that you love Scott any less.  
  
No, last time it was kissing. This is _love_. It's a bit more important than kissing, it's much more serious. I needed Shawn to give me some good and honest advice.  
  
It is more serious, and I'm telling you the same thing because it's the truth. You love Scott, you'll always love Scott. And now you love Nathan, too. Stop worrying about it, everything's okay.  
  
But what if I'm subconsciously trying to replace Scott with Nathan? I worried.  
  
Nathan is nowhere near the same person that Scott was, so you're not, Shawn assured me.  
  
Are you sure? I asked.  
  
Shawn rolled his eyes at me and said, Yes, I'm sure. Now, tell Nathan you love him, he'll say the same thing to you, and don't forget to invite me to the wedding.  
  
How do you know that he loves me?  
  
I know everything, he said and turned his attention back to the show just as Hunter entered the ring. I love the way his ass looks in those trunks.  
  
Shawn continued to say dirty things like that during Hunter's twenty-minute match. The next match was the main event--Nathan vs. Edge. Nathan's strength against Edge's quickness. It promised to be a good, entertaining match.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Shawn and I were thoroughly enjoying the main event. There wasn't much talking, just an amazed oh God when either wrestler did something spectacular or a little laugh at one of the King's jokes. At the very beginning of the match, Shawn made a comment about Nathan's ass looking good in wrestling tights. That earned him a glare and a shut up from me, to which he just grinned as if he had won a competition or something.  
  
We were both attentively watching the monitor when Edge climbed up to the top rope. He stood there waiting for Nathan to get up to his feet, and then Edge hit Nathan in the side of the head with a missile dropkick and Nathan fell to the mat like a ton of bricks.  
  
Holy shit, Shawn hissed, acknowledging the stiff dropkick.  
  
I didn't say anything. I was watching Nathan very closely. He took that bump strangely, and he wasn't moving as he laid there. I was scared that he was hurt, Edge had hit him pretty hard and his head hot not hit the mat in a nice way, either.  
  
Shawn was watching closely, too. He confirmed my fear when he said, with the confidence of a great in-ring veteran, Nathan's hurt.  
  
TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Some hours later, I was sitting in a hospital room with Nathan. He had laid motionless on the mat for only several seconds, but it seemed like a hundred years to me. He and Edge finished the match, but Nathan had a blank look on his face and his eyes were unfocused. I knew that he had a concussion, and it scared me. It was a head injury that had killed Scott.  
  
When the show ended, Nathan was taken to the hospital and I followed. After a million or so different tests, he was diagnosed with a mild concussion. As soon as the doctors left his room, I went in to see him.  
  
How're you feeling? I asked as I sat in the chair next to his bed.  
  
I ache all over. But I've been told that I just wrestled in a hellacious match, which definitely explains the pain, Nathan joked about how he couldn't remember his match due to the concussion.  
  
I smiled and said, When can you get out of here?  
  
I have to stay tonight for observation, so I'm guessing tomorrow.  
  
That sucks.  
  
I know. He looked at the clock on the table beside the bed. Maybe you should go back to the hotel and get some sleep.  
  
According to the clock, it was 1:02 in the morning. I was tired, but I didn't want to leave. No, I'll stay here, I said.  
  
It's late, go back to the hotel. There's no point in staying here with me.  
  
Sure there is. You're hurt, I argued.  
  
I'm fine, there's no need to worry about me, Nathan told me.  
  
You have a head injury, there's plenty to worry about, I said. I really was worried about that, too. I could remember Scott's doctor telling me that patients with head injuries could suddenly get worse. What if that happened to Nathan? I couldn't leave.  
  
he said with a sigh. I'm not going to die.  
  
He figured me out. Suddenly, my eyes filled with tears for some reason that was unknown to me. Maybe it was the terrible memories of Scott in the hospital, or maybe it was the crazy love I felt for Nathan at that moment.  
  
Kev, I'll be okay, Nathan said. I was just knocked a little silly. They're just keeping me here to get more money from me.  
  
I smiled. You're sure?  
  
Yeah, I'm positive that I'll be just fine. Now, go to the hotel.  
  
I agreed. I was still a little scared that something would happen, though.  
  
he said as I got up from the chair and leaned over to kiss him. We shared a short, little kiss before I walked towards the door.  
  
Hold on, Nathan called as my hand was about to turn the knob.  
  
  
  
Could you please come and pick me up in the morning? Don't want to stay here any longer than what's necessary, he said with a smile that made his blue eyes twinkle.  
  
I replied with a smile of my own. He didn't need to ask that, though. I was planning on coming back to the hospital in the morning to check on him anyway.  
  
I was in the hotel bed an hour later. I was exhausted from a day with Shawn and worrying about Nathan, so I fell asleep quickly. I woke up every hour, though, wanting to call Nathan at the hospital and make sure he was still okay. However, I didn't because I didn't want to disturb the rest that he needed. Instead, I feel into another short, restless sleep.  
  
As soon as the first sliver of sunlight peeked around the curtains on the window, I crawled out of bed and got in the shower. After I was clean and dressed, I all but ran out of the hotel to get in the rental car and raced to the hospital to see Nathan. I was afraid that I would walk into his room and see him laying motionless on the bed with various beeping machines keeping him alive.  
  
When I opened the door to Nathan's room, I was surprised but very relieved at what I saw. He was dressed in actual clothing--blue jeans and a baby blue t-shirt that showed off every one of his muscles--instead of that terrible hospital gown. He was sitting in a chair instead of the hospital bed, flipping through the TV channels. He looked up when he heard me enter, and immediately jumped up to hug me.  
  
Kevin, where have you been? I'm sick of this place.  
  
Goodness, you've only been here for a few hours, I said with a laugh. He looked like the Nathan I knew, with no hint that anything bad had happened overnight.  
  
Well, it stinks here, they don't have HBO, and that bed is the worst thing I've ever had to lay on, Nathan complained.  
  
Poor baby, I laughed at him, and he laughed, too. How are you feeling? I asked seriously.  
  
Tired. I'm not allowed to sleep for twenty-four hours. Other than that, I feel fine, though.  
  
That's good, I said. Are you ready to leave?  
  
God yes! I hate hospitals!  
  
Then let's get out of here.  
  
Hold on, Kev. I talked to Mr. McMahon this morning and he told me to go home today and rest for the week, Nathan said.  
  
Yeah, you're certainly in no condition to wrestle, I said. If Vince had not given him some time off after a concussion, I would've forced all my friends to quit--Nathan had a very serious injury.  
  
You wouldn't mind coming with me, would you? he asked.  
  
Of course not, I said. He needed someone to make sure he didn't go to sleep, and I certainly found nothing wrong with spending the day with Nathan.  
  
Great, because someone has to keep me awake. With your inability to shut up, we should have no problems, he said with a smile.  
  
Well, if we were quiet, I'd never get to hear that beautiful accent, I said.  
  
It is sexy, isn't it?  
  
Almost as sexy as my own voice, I joked and we both laughed.  
  
I've got to call the airport and get us on a plane back to Florida, Nathan said and started pushing buttons on his cellphone. I thought it was as a good a time as ever to call Shawn and tell him that I was going back home, so I pulled out my own cellphone and speed-dialed him.  
  
Hey Kev, Shawn answered. He must have checked his caller ID.  
  
Hey, good morning.  
  
What do you want? Hunter and I are about to hit the highway. Shawn's not really a morning person.  
  
I'm going home today, I said.  
  
  
  
  
  
You're going home because you don't want to tell Nathan that you love him, he said.  
  
No, I'm going home with him, Shawn. Vince is sending him home because of the concussion.  
  
Oh. Have fun, Shawn said, and paused to tell Hunter what was going on. God forbid that either of them know something that the other doesn't for more than two seconds. How is Nathan? Shawn asked when he finished talking to Hunter.  
  
Good, he's just not allowed to sleep for twenty-four hours, I said.  
  
That's good. When will he be back?  
  
Next week.  
  
Okay. Well, we've got to get moving before Vince sends us home for good, Shawn said.  
  
Make a good show for us tonight.  
  
How can we do that if half of the new big storyline is sitting at home because of a concussion? Shawn complained.  
  
I don't know, maybe you could go out there and strip naked, I suggested.  
  
Shut up, asshole. Shawn apparently didn't like my idea.  
  
Gosh, Shawn, you need to find an empty room when you get to the arena and have some good, hot sex with Hunter, I said.  
  
  
  
So that you won't be so grouchy, I said and Shawn laughed.  
  
Sounds good, he said.  
  
Yeah, I'll let you get to that, then.  
  
Okay. Don't forget, Kev.  
  
  
  
Tell Nathan that you love him! Hunter yelled in the background. Sure didn't take long for Shawn to tell that to somebody else. Now I have two stubborn people on my back about it.  
  
Call me later with the details, Shawn said.  
  
I said and we hung up. I doubted that there would be any details to give, though.  
  
*****  
  
A few hours later, Nathan and I were sitting on his couch in Orlando. I was sitting on one end with my feet lounging on his coffee table. Nathan was stretched out on the couch with his head laying in the crook of my neck and my arm hung loosely around him. He was so tired and just wanted to take a nap, but he was kept awake by a really funny rerun of Will & Grace.  
  
Ever since we arrived at his house I had been thinking about the love issue. There was no doubt that I was in love with Nathan. Just being around him made me happy, and it comforted me. There was rarely a waking moment that I wasn't thinking about him, and there was rarely a night that I didn't dream of him. However, there was also no doubt that I still loved Scott. It was pretty confusing--loving two men so much, and it didn't make sense at all. But, as I sat on the couch with Nathan, I finally decided to stop fighting with myself about it. I decided that I could love both Scott and Nathan, and I should tell Nathan if I wanted Shawn and Hunter to leave me alone.  
  
So, when a commercial break started, I waited for Nathan to stop laughing at the last joke, and got his attention.   
  
He lifted his head so he could see me.  
  
Sometimes strange things happen, I started.  
  
Like what? he asked.  
  
I love Scott. I'll always love him, forever. I thought it was important that Nathan knew that first.  
  
I know, but why is that strange? he asked, his eyes showing his confusion at my somewhat absurd statement.  
  
I looked directly into his blue eyes and answered, Because I love you, too.  
  
Nathan smiled and I could see the happiness in his twinkling eyes, and I believe that my heart melted. Then, oddly enough, he asked,   
  
I love you, I said, slightly worried that maybe he didn't love me in return.  
  
I like the way you say that, he said, still wearing that mind-blowing smile. I love you, too.  
  
Then, he met me halfway and we shared a short, yet very passionate, kiss to prove our words. When our lips parted, Nathan got comfortable in my arms again, and we laughed as Will and Grace competed for the same man on the television. Being in love sure did feel great, and knowing that Nathan loved me was also a wonderful feeling.  
  
TBC


	6. Chapter 6

The outside of my house was brightly decorated with small light bulbs, and the living room had a big colorful tree standing in it with various other Christmas decorations placed throughout the house. It was the first time since Scott's death that I had done anything for Christmas. During the past three years, Shawn and Hunter had come to my house, decorated it by themselves, and tried to make me happy. This year was quite different with Nathan helping me.  
  
After I decided that I would be spending the holidays with Nathan, I called Shawn to tell him that he didn't have to visit me this year. I'm sure he was very happy about that, because he could spend Christmas alone with Hunter without having to worry about me having an emotional breakdown while they were trying to have sex quietly in my guest room.  
  
Nathan came to my house the day before Christmas Eve to begin the decorating. First, we did the tree. It was the fake one I got when Shawn and Hunter did my decorating, because those two were too lazy to travel all over the state of Florida and find the perfect tree like I used to do with Scott. Nathan and I strung the while lights around the tree, and tried our best not to get tangled up in them. Nathan put the rest of the ornaments on the tree while I wandered room to room setting up little nativity sets and hanging up wreaths. I got to put the gold star on the top of the tree since I'm an inch or two taller than Nathan.  
  
After a break of chocolate milk (we live in Florida, so hot chocolate isn't appropriate) and a horrible rendition of The Christmas Song, we headed outside. Nathan took the ladder and went about putting white lights across the front gutter while I did the same around the bottom windows. Nathan had a rough time at the beginning, trying to keep his big body balanced on the small ladder. When I finished laughing at him, he got a chance to laugh at me, because I had a terrible time trying to undo a huge knot of lights. It was nearing twilight when we finally finished, so we stood by the street and admired our work. Admittedly, the lights were a little crooked, but we had too much fun to really care.  
  
On Christmas morning I was awakened by an early phone call from Shawn. He wanted to call and brag about how Hunter served him a wonderful breakfast in bed and all the gifts that were under their perfect tree. He was about to tell me about what he found in his stocking when Hunter cut him off, because he was anxious to give another Christmas gift.' Hearing about my friends' great Christmas morning made me happy and put me in a really good mood.  
  
I spent the next several hours waiting for Nathan to arrive. I passed the time by fixing myself a delicious eggs and bacon breakfast. Then, I sang along to a CD of Christmas carols while I opened the gifts that my family had sent me from Detroit. Not long after I finished thanking my sister for the new Red Wings jersey, Nathan knocked on my door.  
  
Okay, let's open presents, he said after he kissed me and threw his jacked on the back of my chair in the living room.  
  
In a hurry? I asked, amused at his urgency.  
  
I need a good gift. My mom sent me clothes. Nathan rolled his eyes and I laughed at him.  
  
Sit down and I'll find it, I told him and started digging through the wrapping paper I had thrown about earlier and didn't bother cleaning up. I found the rectangular box under a wad of tissue paper.  
  
Here it is! I shouted upon my discovery and handed the badly-wrapped gift to Nathan.  
  
And I thought my wrapping skills sucked, he laughed after looking my handywork over.  
  
Well, I had a whole roll of paper left and had to make the best of it, I explained with a grin. Now, open it!  
  
Nathan ripped the decorated paper off to reveal a slender black box. He snapped the top up and admired a brand new gold watch. Nathan's ancient watch had finally stopped working a few weeks before, and he needed a new one so he would stop asking for the time.  
  
Thanks, Kev. Now I don't have to hear you say Time to get a watch' all the time, he said.  
  
Maybe you should've stopped asking for the time every five minutes, I joked, even though my old retort had started to annoy me. Hey, turn the watch over, I said.  
  
Nathan lifted the watch out of the box and flipped it over to find a message on the band. I didn't want to give him an ordinary watch, so I added a personal touch by having the words Love, Kevin' engraved into the band.  
  
I love you, Kevin, Nathan said and gave me a quick kiss.  
  
I love you, too. Now where is my present? I demanded.  
  
Hold on, he said and stood up from the couch. You stay here, he instructed me, and close your eyes.  
  
I did as I was told, and even put my hands over my eyes, because I didn't trust my eyes to stay closed. This was obviously a big surprise.  
  
I heard Nathan walk toward my front door. He opened the door, then said, It's outside and I'll be back in a flash. And keep your eyes closed.  
  
I sat on my couch for only a couple of minutes before I heard Nathan at the front door. It sounded like he was having a hard time getting the door opened.  
  
Are you okay, Nathan? I asked.  
  
Yeah, just keep your eyes closed, he called back.  
  
A few seconds later there was a loud crash as Nathan got the door opened and stumbled into the house. I heard him curse a blue streak, then slam the door. I really wanted to open my eyes and watch Nathan's struggle at the front door, but I kept them closed and laughed at his unique choice of words.  
  
Nathan took a deep breath to calm himself down and said, Okay Kev, you can open your eyes.  
  
I took my hands away from my face to see a little gold puppy wriggling around in Nathan's arms. I remembered one dinner a few weeks ago when I told Nathan that I had always wanted a puppy for Christmas when I was a little kid. And Nathan did it for me. Right then, my love for Nathan expanded into something that cannot be expressed in words.  
  
Nathan, let it go, I said when the puppy wouldn't stop trying to twist its way out of Nathan's arms.  
  
He gently put the little bundle of gold fur on the floor and it immediately ran over to me. I picked it up, and it kissed my face, covering me in dog slobber. I laughed at the messy sign of affection, and noticed the way the puppy's little blue eyes twinkled--just like Nathan's. I had already fallen in love with the dog.  
  
When the puppy grew tired of kissing me and jumped to the floor to inspect the pile of wrapping paper, I looked up into Nathan's blue eyes to see them twinkling with pure happiness. Thank you, I said.  
  
You said you always wanted one, and I fell in love with him the first second I saw him, Nathan said as he sat down beside me.  
  
I love you, Nathan.  
  
I love you, too. He looked at me and scrunched up his nose with disgust.  
  
I asked of his expression.  
  
I would kiss you, but you're covered in dog spit, he said and we both started laughing.  
  
Our laughter continued as we watched our puppy roll around in the wrapping paper. It looked like he was trying to get himself tangled up. He was so cute. Then, he scared himself when he rolled into the side of a box and he jumped back with a yelp.  
  
You know, he needs a name, Nathan said as we watched the puppy.  
  
I studied him, watched him jump around full of energy. I saw the mischevious look in his little eyes, and the first name that came to my mind was,   
  
Nathan repeated me.  
  
I said, thinking that it sounded perfect.  
  
Any special reason? he asked.  
  
No, just seems to fit him.  
  
Nathan watched our puppy for a moment, as he growled at the wrapping paper for not cooperating. You're right, Nathan said, he's a Cody.  
  
Nathan and I spent the rest of our Christmas Day watching Cody explore his new home. We had a great ham dinner, during which I taught Nathan how to make the best biscuits ever. As Nathan and I ate at the table, and Cody ate from his bowl on the floor, it looked like we had the perfect family.  
  
TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Just wanted to make sure my voice was the first thing you heard this year, Shawn told me over the phone on the morning of New Year's Day. But I don't have time to talk because I need to go have sex for the third time this year, he said and hung up, not allowing me to say even one word.  
  
After my strange wake-up call I headed to the bathroom still half-asleep, but the water from the shower waked me up as soon as it hit my body. Once I was awake, I thought about Shawn's call, and thought about Scott. If Scott hadn't died, he and I would still be in bed doing what Shawn and Hunter were doing. Scott and I always spent New Year's Day in bed, and I missed that.  
  
When I was clean I went back into my bedroom to get dressed. As I approached my dresser, I happened to glance at the picture of Scott and me that hung above the bed. It was my favorite picture of us, and suddenly I missed Scott so much that I sank to the floor and started to cry with such force that every part of me was shaking.  
  
I don't know how long I sat there letting some of the pain pour out of me, but eventually I ran out of tears. When my sobs stopped, I heard Cody barking downstairs, demanding to be let outside. I quickly wiped the tears from my face, threw on some clothes, and met Cody at the front door.  
  
Today is going to be a really bad day, I told the dog as I got down to hook his leash to his collar.  
  
Cody seemed to get a sympathetic look in his eyes as he kissed my face.  
  
I smiled at him and said, I really love you, but I don't need puppy slobber all over me this early in the day.  
  
Cody barked at me impatiently, so I stood up and took him for his walk.  
  
When I returned from my walk with Cody, Nathan's car was in my driveway, and he was sitting on my front porch. Cody quickly ran to greet Nathan with lots of sloppy kisses. I kissed Nathan, too, despite his new puppy breath taste. Then I unlocked the door and we all went inside.  
  
Nathan and I spent the morning taking down all the Christmas decorations. Nathan must have sensed my depressed mood, because he didn't talk very much, which I was thankful for. I didn't even feel like being awake, let alone carrying a conversation. Cody also felt that I wasn't happy, and he tried to cheer me up by getting himself tangled in the lights and just being highly mischievous. His efforts were rewarded with only a weak smile, though.  
  
Once all the holiday stuff was away and we finished a small lunch, we sat in the living room watching some awful movie on TV. I was gently petting Cody, who was sleeping against me on the couch, and imagining all the things that Scott would say to mock that stupid movie. Nathan was looking around the room, which had pictures of Scott and me everywhere, as he sat in the chair on the other side of the room instead of on the couch beside me.  
  
Just as I was thinking that maybe Nathan should change the channel since he had the remote, he decided to start a conversation.  
  
he began.  
  
I glanced up at him.  
  
Can I ask you something? he asked.  
  
I asked hesitantly, getting the feeling that I wasn't going to like our conversation.  
  
You have all these pictures of you and Scott, he said waving his hand to show me. How come there aren't any of you and me?  
  
He made a good point. My house was still covered with pictures of Scott, while pictures of Nathan were still in their packages in some drawer. Why was it that way? I don't know, I answered him truthfully.  
  
I'd like to see a few pictures of myself in your house one day, he said.  
  
I replied.  
  
We sat in silence for a few moments. It was an uncomfortable silence, though. I wanted one of us to say something, but I didn't have anything to say. When Nathan finally did break the silence, I wished that he hadn't.  
  
Do you ever think that I might get tired of Scott? he said, sounding a little irritated.  
  
I asked, shocked and hurt by Nathan's words.  
  
Everything's about Scott. The pictures, that I know you have no intention of changing, are only the beginning, he said. There's the way you always cook Scott's favorite meal when his favorite hockey team wins. And the way you always talk about him, which causes you to cry. And the way you're almost scared to have fun since he's not here.  
  
I just looked at Nathan, surprised that he would say those things to me.  
  
For crying outloud, Kevin, he's been dead for over three years!  
  
Scott was with me every single day for twelve years. I'm allowed to miss him! I love him! So, you just shut the hell up! I shouted, suddenly very angry with Nathan for hurting my feelings.  
  
Kevin, you've to to move on, he said in a quieter voice.  
  
I am! I yelled. I thought that he understood how hard it was for me to allow myself to even like him, to kiss him, and to proclaim my love for him. Why was he picking this fight with me?  
  
I cannot be Scott, Nathan said as he turned the television off, like he was getting ready to have a serious conversation.  
  
Believe me, I know, I told him. I knew full well that Nathan was not Scott, because at the beginning of our relationship I constantly compared them. After a while, I had reached the conclusion that Nathan was very different from Scott, and I accepted that fact.  
  
Then why do I feel like I have to be like him sometimes? Nathan asked.  
  
I don't know. Do I look like your psychologist? I replied nastily.  
  
I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you, Kevin.  
  
Good for you, I said. I didn't feel like talking about anything, especially Scott.  
  
Why are you being an asshole? Nathan asked angrily.  
  
Why are you telling me to stop loving Scott? I countered.  
  
I never said that!  
  
That's what it sounded like to me, I said.  
  
You're twisting my words, I never said that, he insisted.  
  
I mumbled. I didn't care what he had to say anymore. I couldn't believe that Nathan would say those things. He had never seemed bothered that I loved Scott before. Nathan had always comforted me when I was having a bad day, so I couldn't understand why he was suddenly angry about it.  
  
Kevin, let's just talk about this, Nathan said quietly.  
  
  
  
We have to talk about it, he insisted.  
  
  
  
Why not?  
  
I don't want to, I said.  
  
Sometimes you can be a real jackass, he said.  
  
There's one more difference between Scott and Nathan--Scott only cursed at me playfully, he never meant it. It hurt my feelings even more that Nathan would call me names and mean it.  
  
Kevin, I didn't mean  
  
Shut up! I cut Nathan off. I was suddenly sick of him, and didn't want to hear him anymore.  
  
he began again.  
  
Shut up! I cut him off again.  
  
Nathan stood up and said, Fine, call me when you want to act like an adult, and he started walking towards my front door.  
  
His words and actions caused a feeling of dread to crawl into my heart. Unfortunately, that didn't stop me from standing up, too, and saying, Good, leave! Just get the fuck out of my house!  
  
Nathan walked silently out of the living room, but when he got to the door he stopped and sat down on his knees.  
  
That's when I noticed that Cody had followed Nathan to the door and was whimpering at his feet. Nathan was petting our dog and trying to comfort him. After Cody gave him a kiss, Nathan stood up and turned to look at me.  
  
I wanted to tell Nathan that I loved him, and that he couldn't leave. I wanted him to stay and comfort me like he had just done for Cody. However, I quickly changed my mind when I looked into Nathan's glare and saw anger.  
  
Nathan abruptly broke eye contact with me, and turned around to pull the door open. Neither of us said anything as he walked out of the house and the front door slammed.  
  
TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Notes: I want to thank everybody that has been reading this story, especially those that have reviewed it for me. I hope that you liked it, because I really enjoyed writing it. By the way, this was written before Kevin had all his hair chopped off.  
  
*****  
  
It only took a few moments after the slamming of the door for me to start panicking. What kind of an idiot was I to allow Nathan to leave like that? I knew that I told him to leave, but I was highly pissed off. I wanted him to come back now. I loved Nathan, and I was afraid that he would never return, and I would lose another love. I could think of only one thing to do, so I picked up the phone and dialed a very familiar number to San Antonio.  
  
Hunter answered the phone, and when I begged to talk to Shawn he claimed that his lover wasn't there, although I could've sworn that I heard Shawn yelling in the background. I decided to tell Hunter about the fight I had with Nathan, how he left, and that I needed to know how to fix the horrible mess I had created.  
  
Shawn and Hunter have been together for such a long time that apparently Shawn's counseling skills are rubbing off onto Hunter. He did a fantastic job of calming me down, asking the right questions until I gave the right answers, and letting me figure out what I had to do. After two hours and countless tears, I hung up the phone knowing exactly what needed to be done.  
  
Cody followed me as I walked toward the steps to get my car keys from my room. I told the puppy that I had to fix the mess with Nathan so that we could all be happy again. Cody was listening intently until we got to the last step and the doorbell rang. The sound sent Cody scampering back down the steps, barking at the front door. The sound sent me downstairs, too, already mad at whoever it was for delaying my very important talk with Nathan.  
  
When I opened the door I was very surprised to find Nathan looking back at me. I wondered what he was doing there, why he would possibly want to be in the same state with me, let alone the same house.  
  
I don't care if you want to or not, but we need to talk, he said quietly.  
  
I said and stepped aside so he could enter the house.  
  
We both walked silently into the living room. We sat on opposite sides of the couch, but looked at the floor rather than each other. Cody sat down on the floor between us, looking ready to play referee if we were going to have a repeat of the earlier argument.  
  
Nathan spoke first, I understand that you still love Scott, and I would never ask you to stop loving him. You will love him for the rest of your life, and I can live with that. What I can't live with is feeling like I'm being compared to him, and that I somehow have to be better than him.  
  
I took a deep breath before I replied, I did compare you to him when we first got together, but then I learned that there really is no comparison. There were a million better things about Scott, but there are also a million things that make you better. You are so different from Scott, but I still love you, Nathan.  
  
I love you, too, Kevin, he said and I smiled for the first time all day. He returned my smile with one of his own, and I think my heart might have skipped a beat or two when I caught sight of his eyes twinkling.  
  
So, we've established that you love Scott, you love me, and I love you. And that's all good. Now, what about your moving on? Nathan said.  
  
You've got to understand that I am moving on. It's an extremely slow process, but I'm doing it. This time last year I really only left the house to go to the store. But now I love you and all kinds of stuff, I explained.  
  
I know that stuff, Kevin. I also know that I've helped you a lot with moving on.  
  
You have, and I thank you. God knows I'd probably still be sitting on my ass crying myself to death every single day if I hadn't met Nathan.  
  
Don't thank me, he said, as if putting up with my extreme mood swings when I'm missing Scott is an easy thing to do. I just want you to let me help more. Just one thing at a time, we'll adjust them so that not everything revolves around Scott.  
  
That sounds like a good plan, but where are we going to begin? I wanted to start with something easy.  
  
he thought for a moment, I'm really sick of lasagna. Nathan was referring to the fact that I always cooked Scott's favorite meal, lasagna, when his favorite hockey team, the Los Angeles Kings, won a game.  
  
I have to agree, I smiled. The Kings are winning too many games this season.  
  
What would happen if they went all the way and won the Stanley Cup?  
  
We'd die from an overdose on lasagna, I said, causing Nathan to laugh.  
  
I don't want that in my obituary, he joked as his blue eyes twinkled.  
  
Where'd you go after you left my house earlier? I suddenly asked. He hadn't been gone long enough to go to his house and come back. I was curious about what he had done, because I had just noticed that the twinkling blue parts of his eyes were surrounded by a slight redness. Had Nathan been crying?  
  
I drove down to the park and sat in my car, he said quietly.  
  
It was a long time, I said.  
  
It's even longer when you're on the phone with Shawn.  
  
You called Shawn?  
  
Nathan nodded and I asked, What in the world did you do that for?  
  
I figured that he'd help me sort out the mess we made, and tell me what to do. Of course, that was after he yelled and cursed me for hurting your feelings, Nathan admitted.  
  
That explains the noises I heard when I was talking to Hunter, I said.  
  
I think that Shawn thinks my name is Stupid Fucking Insensitive Bastard,' he said with a smile.  
  
Poor Nathan, I said and moved across the couch so I was sitting next to him. He put his arm around me, and I laid my head on his shoulder.  
  
So, we're all made up now? Nathan asked.  
  
I said and suddenly thought of something. Stay here, I said and quickly got off the couch.  
  
What are you doing?  
  
You'll find out, I told him as I started up the stairs to my study.  
  
I returned a few minutes later with something in my hand. I stood at the edge of the living room for a moment, looking around. Once I found what I was looking for, I walked over to the fireplace. I picked up an old picture of Scott and me. When I returned the frame to the mantle, there was a new picture. I stepped to the side so Nathan could see it from his seat on the couch.  
  
he said as he stood up and came to get a closer look. The picture was one that somebody else had taken, probably Shawn, of Nathan and me standing outside with our arms around each other and the sun shining around us. God, I love you so much, he said, understanding what it meant for me to do that.  
  
I love you, too, I said, putting my arms around Nathan's waist. I pulled him closer so that I could kiss him. We shared a deep, passionate kiss that had our tongues competing for dominance, and left us both struggling to breathe when we finally parted.  
  
After quickly filling our lungs with more oxygen, Nathan captured my lips with his own and we returned to our fervent kissing. Slowly my lips drifted away from Nathan's and found their way to his neck, while my hands slipped under his shirt and wandered up his chest. My actions were causing Nathan to moan with pleasure, and both of us were obviously aroused.  
  
Suddenly, Nathan placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed me back a step, so I could clearly see his blue eyes, dark with lust. Are you sure about this? he asked, both of us knowing exactly where we were headed.  
  
I pulled Nathan against me again, grinding my hips against his, and said, Does this feel ready? Nathan got the message and started ravishing me with his mouth, and we stumbled up the stairs to my bedroom, loosing various articles of clothing along the way.  
  
The next morning I woke up from a very peaceful sleep to find my arms locked around Nathan. Waking up next to the man I love made me feel like the luckiest person alive. I laid there smiling and watching him sleep, until I suddenly heard Cody barking by the front door, begging to go on a walk. I got out of bed, careful not to disturb Nathan, and threw on some clothes. I walked Cody and told him how perfect everything was right then. He seemed to agree with me, too.  
  
*****  
  
A few months later Nathan and I are carrying heavy boxes, full of his belongings, from our cars to my house. The sky looks like it's about to open and drench us with an April shower. I'm beginning to wish that I had taken Shawn and Hunter up on their offer to help us, because it would get down much quicker. It would also help if we weren't tripping over Cody, who thinks that he's helping.  
  
Nathan and I started talking about moving in together after I spent a couple weeks flipping out about having sex with Nathan while I love Scott. We fought about which house to move into for quite some time. Eventually, Nathan decided that he didn't want Cody to have to get accustomed to a new place, so he's moving into my house.  
  
We also decided that I shouldn't go on the road with Nathan all the time, because Cody needs someone at home with him. However, I was at just a few weeks ago to watch Sean win the WWE Championship in the main event. Sean is one of the biggest superstars in the company now, and we're all extremely proud of him.  
  
Shawn and Hunter are doing real well, too. They still counsel Nathan and me when we fight, and Shawn thinks that he should be paid for it. Shawn needs another source of income because he's going to be retiring again next month. Hunter now affectionately calls his lover a which only results in Shawn giving him dirty looks and muttering mean names.  
  
Nathan and I get the last box in the house just as the rain comes pouring down. Unfortunately, all the windows on my car are open and I make Nathan run out and close them, because I don't want my hair to get all frizzy and ruined. When Nathan comes back inside, he's soaked with raindrops running down his face and his clothes sticking to him. He looks absolutely beautiful despite the fact that he's tracked mud on the floor, so I lean down to kiss him.  
  
I think we need to get you out of these wet clothes, I say as I start to peel off his shirt.  
  
He looks at me with those twinkling blue eyes that are rapidly turning dark with lust. I love you, Kevin.  
  
I love you, too, I say before he reaches up for our next kiss.  
  
El Fin.


End file.
